ibank paper-pusher turned design student. I Love Lucy-esque hilarity ensues. My friend made me create this. I’m really not interesting enough for one of these. I’ll show you.Tumblr (3.0; @joojoobee)http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/Me: Hahaha, Omigod, everyone reviewing this hotel in Barcelona is saying that the hotel goes through their bags and steals their stuff after they check-in.<br /> Malc: wow.<br /> Me: When they complain about it, the hotel staff just points to one of twenty signs that say "Not responsible for lost or stolen items". Plus, they have bed bugs. And they're ranked 1,291 of 1,889 hotels.<br /> Malc: I can't imagine what the other hotels are like if they're worse than that one. Maybe they rape you and then point to signs that say "Not responsible for ass-rapings".<br /> Me: ....And then they punch you in the face.http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/238212445http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/238212445Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:11:07 -0500<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/wellpoint-cuts-workers-he_n_309716.html">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/wellpoint-cuts-workers-he_n_309716.html</a>: <blockquote> <p>“WellPoint health insurance company, which has encouraged its employees to lobby against health care reform, is now cutting their benefits.”</p> </blockquote> <p>‘So….we’re going to raise your healthcare costs, and this will reflect as a decrease in your paycheck and increase in your deductibles.  But first, do me a favor and tell the government that this healthcare reform business is ridiculous.  Don’t worry, we only have everyone’s best interests at heart.’</p> <blockquote> <br/><a target="_blank_" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/wellpoint-cuts-workers-he_n_309716.html"></a> </blockquote>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/205670051http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/205670051Tue, 06 Oct 2009 01:34:00 -0400Me: ...what were u making? pickles?<br /> or is that just ur vagina fermenting?<br /> Janie: hahahaha<br /> im fermenting pickles in my vagina...<br /> Me:...u dillhole<br /> Janie: ...how often will that actually come up as a pun<br /> <br /> <br /> http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/200679639http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/200679639Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:46:51 -0400<p>The hipsters in this hood will kill me if they knew this, but since they’re all out drinking PBR right now……..I want to see Beyonce in concert!  I’ve never seen anyone mainstream in a huge stadium-like venue (and never really wanted to), but I actually want to see Beyonce.  The way she moves is almost mesmerizing; plus it completely makes me forget that her lyrics are about nagging some dude to put a ring on her finger while wearing a bathing suit as an outfit and 6 inch stilettos.  There! I’ve said it.  Leave me alone.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/197301953http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/197301953Sat, 26 Sep 2009 04:13:51 -0400<p>I spent the last 2 hours of my night yesterday, going through some of the names on this website: <a href="http://www.badassoftheweek.com"><a href="http://www.badassoftheweek.com">http://www.badassoftheweek.com</a></a>.  It’s a pretty awesome dorky website with a new badass of the week every week, and a description of their badassedness.  The story that got me researching more was the story of this guy, Hiroo Onoda, who fought in WWII 29 years after it was over.  I did the math, he went into war at 22 in 1944, and finally surrendered in 1974, which would make him 52.  He spent the best years of his life living in the jungle in the Philippines, killing and injuring local people and police as well as SEARCH PARTIES looking for him to bring him back to japan.  He had 3 other soldiers in his unit (he was their lieutenant).  After the war, hundreds of leaflets were dropped from helicopters, but every time, Onoda and his unit decided these were fake; even when they finally dropped letters from their loved ones asking them to come home, the men continued to think it was a trick from the Allied forces.  Onoda was determined to carry out his duties to the Empire until he received a specific order to stop.  Finally, one dude got sick of it and finally surrendered to Filipino authorities on his own, another dude was killed in a fight with a search party and the last member of the unit was killed by local police.  A japanese student on the island found Onoda on Feb 1974, and told him the war had been over for 29 years.  They became friends, but he told the student that he would not stop until he received orders from his superior officer.  So the kid goes back to Japan, the government locates his commanding officer (who was now an old man working in a bookstore), and flew him out to the Philippines to tell him that the war is over and to surrender to the authorities on the island.  Onoda came out of the jungle after 29 years in his full gear—intact uniform, 500 rounds of ammo and a few hand grenades.</p> <p>There was another dude who was a holdout and also came out of hiding in the same year.  Teruo Nakamura, was a holdout on the Indonesian island Morotai, and was accidentally found by a pilot which led to Nakamura’s arrest by Indonesian soldiers.  However, the story was not as sensational as Onoda’s since Nakamura was a Taiwanese aborigine and not truly Japanese.  So he did not receive the same amount of pensions, nor did he receive the same honor upon returning home (he even died of lung cancer 5 yrs later, whilst Onoda married, started a cattle ranch in Brazil and lived a pretty long life).</p> <p>It’s pretty insane to think about people having that kind of perserverance to stay in a jungle, foraging for food, and on constant alert of enemy forces.  To stay loyal to a country in a war for longer than I have been alive is amazingly brave and crazy all at the same time.  Jesus christ, the things some humans can do.  I feel useless all of a sudden.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/196814723http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/196814723Fri, 25 Sep 2009 15:38:17 -0400<img src="http://19.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_koouro9CkY1qznd3jo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Malcolm’s cassette deck iphone app has finally been approved of and released for sale.  Buy it for a buck!</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/167501604http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/167501604Thu, 20 Aug 2009 14:45:24 -0400<p>waking up from a call from the collection agency about your past due account at Macy’s…is probably the worst way to wake up.  I guess aside from your house burning down.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/137171562http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/137171562Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:59:09 -0400<img src="http://3.media.tumblr.com/KErZm30oppl4mnvvPPl8Zjivo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Billy Mays’ funeral.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/136582230http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/136582230Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:25:23 -0400<img src="http://10.media.tumblr.com/KErZm30oppcmnu6fOqEZkWsOo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>I forgot about this from my OKC profile. haha. I miss internet dating.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/133110430http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/133110430Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:40:15 -0400<p>Why the fuck have you not informed all your customers (current and potential) that you can now watch instant movies on Macs????!!!!!  I’ve been waiting for this since they announced that they would work on this function 2 years ago.  No e-mail, no announcement on their website, I just accidentally clicked “Play” just now and the movie is showing.  W.t.f.  Did everyone besides me already  know this?</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/128929378http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/128929378Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:51:37 -0400<p>I’m fairly positive that shows like “NYC Prep” still exist to provide reasons to make homicide justifiable.  In which case, Bravo is doing us all a service.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/128269430http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/128269430Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:42:25 -0400<p>Someone once told me that I reminded them of Janeane Garafalo because of my sarcasm and cynicsm.  …After watching some of her stand-up, I realized that that comment was not actually a compliment.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/127996216http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/127996216Mon, 22 Jun 2009 04:37:40 -0400<img src="http://13.media.tumblr.com/RiAfzO5dTowljonaRHtD6iSmo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://markcoatney.tumblr.com/post/126589460/nicksummers-fumdog-ive-always-wondered">markcoatney</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://nicksummers.tumblr.com/post/126588477/fumdog-ive-always-wondered-this-and-it-turns">nicksummers</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://fumdog.tumblr.com/post/126491928/ive-always-wondered-this-and-it-turns-out-that">fumdog</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>I’ve always wondered this, and it turns out that yes, NYC cabbies do hate the little TV’s in the back of the cab as much as we do.</p> <p>It’s kind of hard to read, but the note says:</p> <p>“PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. IF UR Not Watching TV, PLEASE TURN IT Off or TURN IT Low. Thank u So Much. PLEASE!”</p> </blockquote> <p>How fast you can stab the off button in the bottom-right corner of those screens is one of the tests of how much of a real New Yorker you are, along with knowing which door of which subway car to board, depending on your stop.</p> </blockquote> <p>The problem is that not every screen has the ‘off’ button in the same place. Which should totally be against the law</p> </blockquote> <p>I hate these TV’s too.  I once tried actually watching it, and got pretty nauseous.  BUT I will say one thing.  Before the use of the iPhone was widespread, we used these TV screens for their maps.  On one night, when we were going to a bar in Fort Greene, the taxi driver was completely lost, and it was me and my friend shouting out directions from that little TV’s map that completely saved us.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/126601806http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/126601806Fri, 19 Jun 2009 15:18:07 -0400<a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/06/090618-co2-highest-carbon-dioxide.html">CO2 Levels Highest in Two Million Years</a>: <p>This reminds me of the time when the topic of global warming came up at a meeting with my manager (who was very conservative).  He would not accept that global warming existed and said that the levels of CO2 have been exaggerated and sensationalized by everyone.  ‘this is merely a natural phenomenon, that occurs every few decades, and everyone thinks the sky is falling’.  What a douche.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/126578413http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/126578413Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:25:00 -0400<p>Of course after I ordered rainboots, the forecast looks clear after 3 weeks of rain.  FML</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/126576754http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/126576754Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:21:47 -0400<img src="http://7.media.tumblr.com/KErZm30opotwe20b7BEBoYgNo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I would definitely buy this…..if it were for sale that is.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/125330348http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/125330348Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:04:58 -0400“So I managed to submit my application to Apple, after following a million intricate steps, clicking “I Accept Your Right To Steal My Baby If This Application Breaks Anybody’s iPhone” check boxes lots of times, filling out my SSN, bank account number, SWIFT code and inside leg measurement, and completing a detailed pencil sketch of a giraffe saying “STEVE JOBS IS THE BESTEST”.”<br/><br/> - <em>Malcolm, eloquently voicing his frustration over the app submission process at Apple.</em>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/125328373http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/125328373Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:00:00 -0400<p>It’s been a month (almost) since I’ve graduated from FIT, and the month of ‘rest’ I gave myself is almost up.  I really need to buckle down now and draw out my plans for the next year.  Given that a job in design (if I even get one in this economic environment) will pay me less than or equal to what I get on unemployment; I’m pretty much taking the oppurtunity to do my own thing and see where it gets me.  Atleast if I get nowhere, the government will still bail me out.  I’ll be the GM of the Accessories Design small businesses.  And then the American public can own 60% of my -$172 billion.</p> <p>On the plus side, there seems to be a gillion bars offering drinks for $1 for the majority of the day and free food with it.  If I end up broke(r) and homeless, atleast I can still eat….and more importantly, be drunk.</p>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/124401033http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/124401033Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:19:00 -0400unemploymentalcoholismMe: ...whenever someone in the office made small talk about our weekends, I would cringe.<br /> <br /> Cathy: ur weekends arent conservative like [those of people in the] finance industry.<br /> <br /> Me: yea, people in finance don't normally blow guys and then fall asleep with their penises in their mouths.http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/122248180http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/122248180Fri, 12 Jun 2009 04:11:00 -0400<p>Someone needs to bring this service to the States and hire me. </p> <h1><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/japan/5487310/Japanese-company-does-thriving-trade-in-fake-friends.html">Japanese company does thriving trade in ‘fake friends’ </a></h1> <h2>Along with choosing a dress and booking a honeymoon, there is one other item to add to the wedding checklist in Japan: hiring fake friends.</h2>http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/122179884http://joojoobee.tumblr.com/post/122179884Fri, 12 Jun 2009 01:12:43 -0400